No Regrets

Out of the blue an old friend contacted me the other day, not only was I overjoyed , but also happy, relieved, a whole mix of emotions, I suppose deep down I was unaware of exactly what this friend meant to me.
We tried to cover our past life changing events via a social media, so much to tell, more than the average thumb can handle that’s for sure.
At the end of a delightful series of photo’s came the words no regrets.
I read the words and fully understood what my friend meant.
As fast as my right thumb could manage, I typed my reply and ended with the words same here, no regrets.
Overnight, since sending that message to my friend I’ve realized that my entire life is riddled with regrets, some little, some big, and even painful ones. They won’t go away, they are embroidered into the very fabric of my existence, I’am who I am and I’ve done what I’ve done, can’t change that.
I’am not going to dwell on the past but learn from it, and hopefully as I travel life’s path these regrets will get fewer and fewer until they disappear completly from my life’s tapestry.
I wish my Worrier of light well.

GOOD MEN.

Two in the morning, inside the cottage all was still.
Bugs stared into the fire, mesmerized by the pulsating glowing embers, the silence, the warmth.
Crrrrrack!
A man fell,his lifeless body face down in the mud.
A Man who only that morning had rolled a smoke and made us chuckle as we sipped our tea. Gone.
Thousands of deaths, thousands of thank’s, all you want is to be spared a thought.
You’ve got it!

PPPPPP PICK UP A PEGUIN.

Duck, Goose, Cockrel! Aghhhhhh!
What sort of bird should we have?
Turkey, yeah Turkey.
Bronze? Black? How big? Aghhhh!
Decisions decisions aye, why not save yourself a whole lot of grief and go with my top tip and put an end to this seasonal nightmare.
Go Penguin. A Rock hopper will feed two where as the mighty Emperor will feed the average family and the dog.
No plucking required, just a quick whiz over with the razor and job done, no need to baste, there’s plenty of fat. Your Taters will be golden.
Only one problem, a full-grown Emperor can be over 3ft tall and won’t fit in the average oven.
Comming from the coldest extremes of our planet makes them pretty hard to freeze as well.
So what you waiting for! Get to your nearest Zoo and bag one.
If you are confronted by the security forces just look them in the eye and say:
Penguin, I see no Penguin wibble wibble, have you seen my Horn Bill.
( Don’t forget to put your heels together and salute).

SORRY SON.

”  ok Geoff, ease off, he’s gone.”
” No I haven’t, I’m here.” Protested Bugs, as he watched the Paramedics tidy up their mess of needles and wrappers.
With the blue flashing light switched off the Ambulance slowly bumped down the track, Pheasant and Squirrel dashed for cover from the unexpected disturbance.
The Sun had only been up for two hours and already its Summer warmth could be felt.
“Pull up at the bottom Geoff, I need some air.” Said Liz.
Once stationery the two paramedics stepped down onto the track followed by Bugs, the driver stayed behind the wheel and settled for leaning out of the open window.
” What a beautiful place, must be nice living out here in the stick’s.”
“C’mon you two, let’s get this lump up the road before he stiffens up.” Shouted Geoff.
The team mounted up and prepared for the off.
As Bugs took hold of the grab rails to heave himself aboard his blood ran cold and goose bumps sprung up on his arms, he felt the hand lightly grip his shoulder and stall his progress.
Bugs froze but kept his grip, slowly he turned his head, the birds had stopped singing,and
the World stood still.
Their eyes met.
“DAD!MOM! I thought I’d never see you again, Kippy, c’mon Kip.”
Bugs smiled a warm smile as he silently greeted his Kin, releasing his grip he attempted to alight the Ambulance, but an unseen force held him in place.
He starred helplessly as all before him faded, the birds started to sing as he wept.
A voice he knew so well spoke just as he opened his eyes.
“Sorry Son, not today.”

THE 7 P’s.

The big day today, I’am practicing my technique of roasting, ready for the meal of the year, the Daddy of all meals, the show piece. Christmas Dinner.
Very soon, if not already, you are going to be bombarded with ideas from a thousand people, cook this, cook that, cook the other, not that way, this way. It’s going to mince your brain and even spoil what should be the happiest day of the year.
Forget the Channel 4 full table spread of turkey, sprouts, pigs in blankets, glazed oranges studded with cloves and every other conceivable festive delicacy. 10 people have probably spent 2 days setting it up just to plant the image in your mind.
Create you own image and menu, and stick to it, don’t be pulled off track, stay focused.
Choose ingredients that are going to look good on the plate and go well together, keep it simple and keep it tasty, otherwise you could end up serving sprouts and custard.
Just remember, you’ll be serving the meal on plates, not dustbin lids.
The kitchen is going to be as hot as a ships engine room, steam, heat and saucepan lids rattling, you will need help, get someone in there with you, make the kitchen a happy place, it will reflect in both the taste and the presentation of your food.
Put a few scraps out for the birds so that you can watch them and grab a minute to re-focus, keep your feet on the ground
Get some fitting music in there, make the kitchen an extension of the festivities and not a separate torture chamber.
Allocate jobs, team effort, then sit down and reap the rewards of your labours.
BON APPETITE.

 

 

 

Remember remember.

It’s that time of the year again, fireworks going off until all hours scaring pet’s out of their wits.
Well! It’s time that we acted and conducted ourselves like the responsible Adults that we are.
Lets get out there and show the youngsters of today what a Bonfire night really is.
Regardless of age or background, set about the following tasks with enjoyment and a hearty slap of the shoulders for the recipients of your japes.
Firstly, get yourself down to the nearest firework outlet and spend your last bean on buying as many bangers as you can, don’t be to worried about how loud they are at this stage because you can doctor them later.
If at this point you don’t smoke, start. Handling explosive substances is always more nerve tingling with a fag hanging out of your mouth.
Before you start throwing these expensive eye sight removers about willy nilly, it’s best to practice with a small stick or similar object first. Practice makes perfect as they say.
Now remember, it’s going to be dark when you go out, so only wear black or dark clothing, conceal your presence, surprise is a game winner.
When you toss a banger into a crowd the fizzing touch paper is a dead give away, allowing everyone to scatter. Hold the banger for as long as possible before throwing it.
This is your one chance in a year to be a complete prat, so get out there and push some unsuspecting individual into the fire.
What ever you get up to this Bonfire night, have fun.

%d bloggers like this: